fear

I am what you might call a "scaredy cat!" I don't like fights (or even fight scenes in movies). I can't stand the sight of blood. I am a nervous flyer. The list goes on and on. I think I came by it honestly, though, because I was raised by a father who is literally afraid of everything. Don't get me wrong, he is an amazing dad. I had a perfect childhood with loving parents and a big family. He just instilled in us, early on, the idea of watching out for everyone and everything around you. When I was in high-school and working at a nearby mall, he insisted that I wear a baseball cap when driving home at night so, that passerbys would think I was male (smart idea, I guess). He would always tell me not to park near any vans without windows (duh!). And, growing up, we were never encouraged to participate in any type of adventure sports like skiing, rafting, boating or even camping for that matter. My dad had a friend who had lost his leg in a water skiing accident and he would remind of us of that story every single time we mentioned the idea of boating.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being cautious but, it is when we let our fears take over, that we start to lose sight of the true meaning of living. Since being diagnosed with a life changing disease like MS, I have found that I like to venture out of my comfort zone just to prove the disease wrong. Thus, my newfound addiction to running and my lust for going beyond my limits. This weekend, I am going to hike a mountain that has been on my bucket list for years. I can't wait to climb to the summit and look down at how far I have come and scream, "Hell yeah, Take that, MS!!"

I have tried to let my own kids discover what it is they enjoy in life without letting the fear of it freak me out! My son is an avid white-water river kayaker. My daughter loves to downhill ski. Yes, I worry about them getting hurt, but they could get hurt crossing the street. We can't keep our kids safe from everything...in fact, we can't really keep them safe from anything. The best we can do is give them the tools & knowledge to do something right and hope and pray for the best. Let God take over the rest. I read somewhere that "worrying is taking on a responsibility that belongs to God." I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to step on the Big Guys' toes!

Fear is a funny thing. Webster's describes it as "anxious anticipation of danger or pain." My mama always told me that 95% of the stuff I worry about will never come true. Another great quote is: "Worry does not empty tomorrow of it's sorrows, it empties today of it's strength." Think about it. We spend so much time worrying about things that never even happen. What a waste of energy! We could be enjoying our todays so much more. The bible even tells us, "Do not worry about tomorrow, today has enough troubles of it's own." Time to end the madness! Stop worrying about the "whatifs" and grab ahold of your life and do the stuff that scares you. Feel the fear and DO IT anyway!!

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about.

earn the downhills

I am training for my third half marathon in October...so, I've been running quite a bit lately. This morning, my running partner and I ran a 5-miler along the Deschutes River. It is so beautiful. No better way to start the day, than to run past cascading rapids or to hear that rushing water sound as you run along the dirt trail next to it. So invigorating. So refreshing. I posted a saying on my facebook early this morning that read: "Just 5 miles away from a good mood." And, I meant it!

I love running the river trail, but it does have some pretty good sized hills. I recently saw another saying on my favorite running site that said: "Earn your downhills." I love that, because hills are a necessary evil when doing long runs but, thanfully, what goes up, must come down!

Today, the kids and I decided to go on a hike. We woke up early, put the dog in her traveling crate, stopped for bagels and were OFF on an excellent adventure! We headed up to Mt. Bachelor (the ski resort 18 miles from our house). In years past, we have ridden the chair lift up to the mid-mountain lodge and hiked around in the snow, letting the dog run up and down snowy hills. So fun to see and feel the cold snow in August!!

This year, we decided to do some budget cutting! Instead of paying the $32 it would cost for me and my son to ride up on the chair...(daughter and dog are free because the first has a season ski pass and the second, well, is a dog!) we decided to hike up rather than ride up. And, the hidden bonus? The ride down is always FREE!

What a great experience it turned out to be! At first, the mountain was a bit intimidating...as we set out on the gravel road. We found a little dirt trail and did some switchbacks until we found ourselves directly under the chair lift going straight uphill. We slowly proceeded up the non-existent trail some 2 miles and rose about 1,400 feet in elevation. The ground was soft and crumbly, rocks that looked sturdy were not. Let's just say it was a lot more technical than it looked from below in the parking lot!

At a certain point, I realized that it would actually be harder to hike back down (given the loose rocks) than it would be to keep climbing to the top. That is when a little bit of anxiety mixed with equal parts dread and fear, started to creep into my psyche. My daughter, however was doing just fine. She is usually full of complaints and whiney retorts but, surprisingly, she was being a total sport! It was ME who had to be convinced to keep going this time.

Kids and dog take a little rest break...

As we walked, we talked about all sorts of stuff...her upcoming school year - making the leap from elementary to middle school, whether or not she wanted to go out for cross country, make-up brands and you tube videos that she likes...and a couple times, she would say, "Are you wishing we had taken the chair up?" Both times, I replied back, "No, because this way we earn our ride down the mountain and that makes it all the more rewarding!" I said things like: "If it were easy, everyone would be doing this" and "nothing great was ever achieved without a little hard work and sweat." Perfect teaching moments. We would see people above us, riding aimlessly and carefree on the chair and I'd say, "See, they have no idea how much work it takes to hike this thing and they are missing out." We on the other hand, were earning our free downhill ride.

Once we reached the top, we couldn't help but feel a little proud. When we looked down below us to the many lakes, buttes and mountain tops, we couldn't help but feel like we had accomplished something big. I told my daughter, "See if you can do this, you can definitely run a 5k!" I think that this small hike boosted her confidence level in ways neither one of us would have ever imagined.

Maggie enjoying the free ride down!

 

 

Life is a series of ups and downs. But, it is when you go through the hard stuff on the way up and "earn the downhills" that you truly realize your full potential.

 

 



a million little things

Ahhh...one month from today. My boy will be leaving the nest and moving into his dorm room at my alma mater. It is truly a time of celebrating, rejoicing that he made it through high school and is now going on to college, to the place where I spent 4 of the most wonderful years of my life. I know there are a lot of parents who would give anything to have their adult children move out of the house! Me? Not so much. I mean, he doesn't even turn 18 until next weekend, still a baby in my book! :)

The thing is that I am going to miss having our little foursome (well, 5 including the dog!) under one roof. Once he moves out, things will never really be the same. There are so many little things I am going to miss...

Here are a few of them..

• Making chamomille tea for my boy at night (we started this tradition a couple years ago so, I did buy him an electric kettle and stocked up on tea in the hopes he will continue...)
• Saying good night to him (most) every night
• Friday night football games
• The dog barking when he comes home after hours, alerting us that he is home
• Road trips where we rock out to our fave country tunes and talk about stuff (some of my favorite memories are just he and I in the car)
• Making him breakfast
• Sitting down to dinner as a family, talking about our day
• Asking him about his day, working as a caddy (he usually has some funny story from his day on the golf course)
• Telling him to put on sunscreen as he heads out the door
• All of his funny sayings that we fondly refer to around here as "AJisms!"

Mostly, I am just going to miss having my boy around. He brings so much to the table. He lights up a room when he walks into it. He is always saying, "Hi Mama" or "G'nite Mama" or "Love you Mama" and I am going to miss that.

I once heard someone say, "you can't be jealous of someone you love" which is so true! I am not really jealous, just happy and excited for him as he begins this new adventure but, if I'm being honest, I gotta say, I just wish I could go along with him and hold his hand a little longer! I mean, he can't possibly make tea all by himself, can he?

"It is the sweet simple things of life

which are the real ones after all..."

Laura Ingalls Wilder

the best day

Today, was a lovely day. The kind of day that just makes you smile. The kind of day that makes you so thankful to live in a beautiful city in the good ol' USofA! The kind of day, that once it has started, you decide, "I should do a blog about this day!" So here it is ... my idea of a perfect day!

The best day.

I will preface by saying that my daughter is away at camp this week, so I have had some extra "ME" time. I am trying to do stuff that I can't do when she is around. Lay by the pool, and read my book. Get a facial at the beauty school and a manicure at the fancy salon downtown. Float the river with my hubby in our kayak. Ride bikes to the new brewery by our house. Nap in the middle of the day. You get the idea, right?

Today, I had a 10am manicure appointment at a fancy salon downtown called "Tangerine". My dear friend and running buddy, Rachel gave me a gift certificate back in May for my bday and I had yet to use it. I had placed it on my desk so, everyday I would look at it and be reminded that I needed to schedule some "ME" time to go do it.

 

Here's a picture of it. It is right next door to the only fancy hotel we have in Bend, The Oxford Hotel. I had never been to this particular salon and not sure I would have gone if I didn't have a gift certificate!! But, I totally fell in love with it, had the best conversation with my nail gal and walked out feeling so amazing with pretty pink nails to boot! Oh, I love me a fresh new coat of paint!

I had decided to ride my bike to my appointment. And, boy am I glad I did! I had plans to meet a good friend for lunch so, I figured I could just tool around town and take in the sights. I threw my book and a blanket in my basket at the last minute, just in case I had extra time and then, I was off!

On the way, I drove thru my banks' ATM drive-thru and waved at the gal in the window. Took out some cash and headed downtown. ( I don't know why it makes me so giddy to ride my bike thru drive-thrus that are clearly meant for cars, but it does!)

After my fab mani, I rode down towards the Old Mill shopping district...on my way, I passed a cute lil' drive thru coffee kiosk...saw a friend of mine in the drive-up window on her bike and said, "This must be the drive-up bike window!" I ordered a yummy salted caramel blended frappacino w/whipped cream, recommended by the barista!! (Hey, I was burning so many damn calories, I might as well indulge, right?!)

There's my lil' bike parked out front!

From there, I headed down to the Old Mill (where I was meeting my friend for lunch in an hour).

(So happy I remembered to put a bungie cord in my basket to serve as a drink holder! :)

Once I got to the Old Mill, I decided to camp out on the grass and read my book. (I am reading the BEST book right now called "Wild" by Cheryl Strayed. It's one woman's story about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail all by herself! So good.) Anyhoo, I found a great spot under a tree and layed out my blankie and began reading (while sipping on my delish frap).

As I sat there reading, I realized I have never done this before. I mean, I have ridden my bike plenty to and from places, but never really toured the city like I was doing and certainly never parked my booty right smack dab in the middle of a busy shopping/dining hub. I loved watching the folks, taking in the gorgeous view (see pics below) and just listening to the sounds of my little city. A mom and her 2 sons were riding bikes, the boys were complaining about being hungry, hot and tired. So, the mom said in sort of sad, melancholy voice, "Alright, I'll return my bike to the rental place now." I felt so sad for her! And, I'm a little embarrassed to admit this, but I glanced over at my lil' cruiser and quietly whispered, "I'm glad you are mine!"

Mt. Bachelor peeking through the trees and Deschutes River in the foreground.

The 3 Sisters and Broken Top mountains.

Ahh...I love my little town! Finally, it was time to meet my friend for lunch. So, I walked my bike over to the restaurant and we sat at a wonderful outdoor table, overlooking the same river and mountains pictured above. We dined on the salad sampler, broiled butternut squash appetizer and wine. We lingered at our table long after we'd paid our bill, the way people do, who are in no hurry to go anywhere. It was simply delicious!



Cheers! Here's to more days like today!













finding greatness in the ordinary

I miss the Olympics. I loved waking up and turning on the TV to see the latest developments in London overnight. I loved staying up late and watching the last of the day's races. I loved the little vignettes that highlighted the athlete's amazing stories. And I especially loved the commercials!! All those P&G "Thank you, Moms" that made me cry. I really loved the Nike ad of the overweight 12 year old boy running - "Find Your Greatness"!

This morning on The Today Show, Matt Lauer interviewed Nathan, (the 12 year old boy) and his mom. I guess there has been some backlash towards this ad and people think that he was being exploited. They think that he should be embarrassed to be on national TV looking like he does. They blame his mother for allowing this to happen. Really?

What is wrong with people? This 12 year old was happy as a clam to be chosen to be in Nike's olympic commercial! Who wouldn't be? He was so excited to see himself running on the big screen during the Olympics. In fact, he is now motivated (mostly by the "haters" of the commercial) to start working out and "getting off his feet".  If that's not a classic case of the ends justifying the means, I don't know what is.

Matt also interviewed Donny Deutsch, a well-known NY advertising executive to get his insight on the commercial. Deutsch said he loved the commercial and thought Nike did a great job and anyone who doesn't like it is discriminating. His point was, that we see all these sculpted bodies during the Olympics and that an ad like this is good, because people can relate to it much more than perfection. He goes on to say, "if this ad gets one kid off the couch" then it has served its purpose and "shame on" anyone who doesn't get this.

When it comes down to it, aren't we all striving to find our own little piece of greatness? The Olympics motivate us to do more. They push us to overcome our own insecurities and step out of our comfort zones. It makes me sad and angry that people can find fault in the most benign things. Just because your idea of greatness doesn't match someone else's idea of greatness, doesn't mean it's any less great.

Kudos to this adorable kid for stepping out of his comfort zone and showing the world what he's made of. I'm fairly certain we haven't seen the last of him.

dorm smarts

Oh Boy! Times have changed! 29 years ago, when I was getting ready to head off to college, I don't remember packing much. I mean, I was going to live in a 10x10 shoebox afterall. I think my packing list consisted of: toothbrush, toothpaste, washcloths, towel, hangers and laundry bag - Oh, and maybe some whiteout (remember that stuff?) and a roll of quarters for the centrally located hallway pay phone! It certainly was not the SEVEN page "Student's Dorm Room Checklist" that we just received in the mail! Seriously, people, do college freshman really NEED all this stuff? There is one page alone dedicated to Computers and Electronics. There is also an entire section devoted to Cooking, Cleaning and Laundry supplies. Good Lord, back in my day, we ate food in the cafeteria (not our rooms), we didn't have anything to clean (we shared a communal bathroom) and laundry consisted of lugging our pillowcases down to the basement and throwing a few coins in the washing machine.

Nowadays, you 've got laptops, laptop sleeves, laptop bags, cables, surge protectors and printers. Basically these kids all have mini Best Buys in their dorm rooms! Oh, and of course, don't forget the expensive laptop locks, just in case, God forbid, someone steals your laptop when you run to the bathroom. Ugh!

My son is deadset on bringing his 47" flatscreen which he bought with his own money the day after Thanksgiving last year. He bought it with the sole intention of taking it to college. I don't know if he has stepped foot in the dorms lately, but there is barely room for a clock radio so, not sure how he will swing this. But, knowing him, he will find a way. And, I guess the plus side of a flatscreen is that they don't take up much shelf space. When I was a freshman in the dorms, we had a community TV room in the basement. That is where we all gathered on Sunday nights to watch Dallas or weekday soap operas between classes.

Well, back to the "Dorm Room Checklist"... I figured I better shop in installments so as not to have it hit the pocketbook all at once. So, today, we went to Costco and Dollar Tree and spent $44 at both stores. Here's what we bought at each one:



$44. 4 items. Paper plates, Cetaphil, Ziploc Bags and Napkins. (Costco)

$44. 44 items. Hand towels, washcloths, air freshners, dish towels, food storage containers, garbage bags, plastic cups, pizza cutter, spatula, paper towels, chip clips, can opener, utensils, cutting board, memo board, assorted cleaning products and a big bucket to name a few. (Dollar Tree)

As I am writing this blog, my husband came home for lunch and saw all this stuff laying around the living room. His first words were "What the hell is all this for?" I laughed and said, "My sentiments exactly." Then, he goes into a long dissertation about how he took only 2 suitcases of clothes, his skis (he went to school in Colorado) and a toothbrush to school (bedding and pillows were a total afterthought for him). I laughed again and said, "Welcome to Dorm Living 2012".

Okay, another thing. I thought this LIST came from my son's college. But, he just informed that he printed it all out on line on some random website called www.dormsmart.com. It is a generic dorm room checklist. I realized at that moment that I may have been "duped" into buying a bunch of stuff he really doesn't need or that may not even fit in his given dorm room. Oh well, atleast I shop at the Dollar Tree so, my money goes a little further!  I have a better name for that webste, perhaps, www.dupeyourmomintothinkingyouneedallthisshit.com.

And, one final thing: reading down the list of supplies, I come across small funnel. I asked my son, "What could you possibly need a funnel for?" And then, I laughed and said, "Oh, just take my beer bong and save yourself the trouble of making one!"

Ahhhh...College Life! Maybe things haven't changed all that much afterall!

return to the run

Okay, I managed to run consecutively for 28 days. I had originally set out to run everyday the whole month of July...but, as the month neared to a close, I decided that the month was just a few days too long. (I mean, had it been February, I would have accomplished my goal!) Rewind to last Sunday morning: I am laying in bed. My house is full of sleeping kids (I have my brother's two kids in addition to my daughter) and a dog and is absent one husband and son. I wake up after a restful slumber and peel off my eye mask and peer at the clock. It is 8am and the house is eerily quiet! I think to myself, I could get up and run OR I could lay here and relish in this peaceful moment and wait for my darling little nephew to come stumbling in, all sleep-eyed. I chose Plan B! And, boy was I glad. The little guy came wandering in my room a little after 8 and took his spot next to me and our sleeping dog, on my bed. At first, I thought he was going to go back to sleep, so I closed my eyes and again relished in the moment - having a 4 year old boy nestled beside me in my bed - and lay there with my heart full of joy. I opened my eyes a few minutes later, only to find the cutest, blue-eyed boy gazing up at me, his chin perched in his little hands. He was totally quiet ... but, wide awake! I asked him if he wanted to cuddle some more or get up. He said in the quietest, sweetest voice, "Let's. Get. Up."

And to think I could have missed that sweet moment. Sometimes the best plan is the alternate one.

Fast forward to this morning: I reignited my passion for running after a week hiatus! My running partner and I started our 10-week training for an October Half Marathon, today. The alarm went off at 6am. I lay there for a few minutes, wondering why in the world this rude noise was disturbing my peaceful slumber. And, then I looked over and saw my running clothes all layed out. And remembered. If it were not for my amazing running partner, Rachel showing up to my house in 15 minutes, I would have pulled the covers over my head in a heartbeat...but, alas! We had some catching up to do (both in  running and in life!) So, I headed out the door.

I am happy to be back to my routine. My legs are rested. My heart pitter pattered again for the first time in a week. The endorphins were back. I came home all "Sweaty Betty" and red-faced. It felt so good. Truth is, I am just happier when I run.

But, sometimes, even the best of intentions need to take a back seat to life's little pleasures. Like cuddling up with a sleepy head 4-year old. Or staying in bed an extra hour on a Sunday morning to read the paper with your hubby. Life is good, even delicious at times. Eat it up! Set goals...but, don't get so caught up in achieving them that you lose sight of the good stuff.