Clean Eating

It was just an ordinary day. Shortly after the new year had begun, I was watching my daily dose of "Live with Kelly & Michael" when I saw something. Something that I had no idea would change my life and the way I relate to food. It was a special section devoted to a New Year/New You. There was this doctor and he was talking about a 2 week food cleanse. Well, automatically, my ears perked up because I had heard of all-liquid cleanses - heck, I'd even tried a few before - but, this sounded intriguing. A 2 week cleanse designed to reset the vicious cycle of my poor eating/drinking/excerise habits. And it involved actual food. I was on board!

The name of the doctor was Dr. Ian K. Smith and the cleanse was the Shred Power Cleanse. I ran right out and bought the book. I read it while on an airplane to visit my sister. I wasn't ready to start it just yet, after all I had a weekend of wining & dining ahead of me...but, I wanted to read all about it and be ready for it when I returned home.

Now, to be fair, I did do my annual 3-day juice cleans upon returning home. I thought it would be a good way to jump start my weight loss. And boy was it ever! I lost 6.6 lbs in 3 days. This time around, I had added in fresh fruits and veggies so it wasn't a strict juice only cleanse. The body does amazing things when it doesn't have to process alcohol, refined sugar, meat or dairy. I immediately felt lighter, clearer-minded and had a sense of peace and contentment that was difficult to explain. 

Well, if I had done just the 3-day cleanse as I had in the past, that feeling would have been short-lived and I would have packed back on the pounds and returned to my old habits in no time. But, this year was different. Different because I had discovered Dr. Ian K. Smith. 

Now, I am a person who loves structure and routine in an eating plan. I am "all or nothing" so, I would rather give up ALL of my bad habits, than just one. For some odd reason, that works for me. I've always said that I just want someone to tell me what to eat and when to eat it. And this program did just that!

This program also taught me the proper way to exercise. It introduced to me the concept of HIIT workouts. Higher intensity in a shorter amount of time. I had heard of these before, but it wasn't until I read this book and began doing them, that it finally made sense. I felt like I had unlocked the secret to weight loss.

Let me back up for just a minute. I am a 50 year old woman, in the midst of menopause and I have been living with MS for 17 years. I honestly thought I could not lose weight at this point in my life. I had sort of resolved myself to the fact that my skinny jeans would never fit properly and my belly would always hang over the top of my waistband. The term "happy belly" was just the name of a healthy juice from my cleanse, not something I thought I could ever actually attain. Oh, how wrong I had been!

Once I started to eat healthy - and by that I don't just mean changing the quality of my food - but also the quantity - good things started to happen. In the past, my problem was not eating too MUCH food, it was eating too LITTLE food. Eating too little actually sabotages weight loss and metabolism more than you realize. 

I cannot tell you how much this program of clean eating has improved my life. It has changed the way I look at food, it has changed the way I exercise and it has given me a sense of well-being that is beyond explanation.  I just want to shout from the mountain tops how exciting and easy this way of life really is.  For those of you who have ever struggled with making good food choices or seeing results from all your hard work at the gym...this is the plan for you! Give it two weeks! I promise it will change your life. And those skinny jeans? Well, you may just have to go out and buy them a couple sizes smaller!

Don't miss my next blog: 10 Things I've learned from a Month of Clean Eating

MS, PML and other fun acronyms

Well, the time has come to make a decision. A very important decision. Perhaps, a life and death decision. I have been living with Multiple Sclerosis for 16 years and I would have to say that it has, overall, been a pretty easy journey. I have always been happy, if not thankful, that God chose this cross for me to bear. There are a lot worse things than having MS. Don't think for one minute that I don't know that.

Over the years, I have tried all kinds of treatments and drugs to combat the devastating effects of this (lovely) disease! In the very beginning, I chose positive mental attitude (PMA) and prayer (otherwise known as OYK - or "on your knees"). That was followed up with a dose of better eating, lots of exercise and a bottle of bleach. It was great: I lost weight, I embraced my "inner blonde", I felt like a million bucks! I truly felt like MS had been a wake up call to live a better life! The life that God had intended me to live! Apparently, God thought I looked better as a blonde too!

A few years later, I started experiencing some numbness and balance issues. My doctor wanted me to consider Avonex, an intramuscular injection self-administered once a week. The only caveat was that they don't recommend getting pregnant while on this drug. My husband and I discussed it and decided that we should try for Baby #2. We'd give ourselves 6 months and if I wasn't pregnant by summer's end, we would close that door for good and I would begin my new treatment. Well, as luck would have it (just kidding, I know it was all God!) we were pregnant by Memorial Day! We were thrilled! AJ was going to have a little sister and our lil' party of three was about to become a foursome!

Marlee was born in January and just a few weeks after she was born, I began having exacerbations which would cause me to lose my balance more easily and my limbs to go numb. I remember being thankful that I was in a season of my life where I was almost always sitting on the couch (nursing) or pushing a stroller or grocery cart so, that I could sort of "fake" it if I needed to! But, I knew I needed to get started on my treatment ASAP! I knew that this meant I needed to wean my baby sooner than I had planned and get serious about fighting this fight. (Studies show that the sooner a person with MS starts treatment, the better their prognosis.) It was a tough decision but, time was not on my side and I had to act fast!

For several years, I was happy with the Avonex. Thankful, again that there was a miracle drug on the market and even more thankful for a husband that wasn't afraid to administer it! He will always be my hero for rising to that occasion. Our wedding vows had said "in sickness and in health" and clearly, he had meant every word.

But, like all good things, it came to an end...an MRI showed new lesions in my brain and my doctor wanted me to "amp it up" where my treatment was concerned. So, we switched to Rebif, another shot type drug but this time, instead of intramuscular, it was subcutaneous (which meant just below the skin) and was to be administered not once but, 3x a week. Oh joy!

Rebif worked for quite awhile, probably 5 or so years. But, in early 2011, I started experiencing dizziness and vertigo, rendering me unable to work and drive, limiting my daily functioning greatly. Again, my doctor ordered an MRI, got me started on multiple days of steroid infusions and started talking to me about this new drug called Tysabri. Tysabri was a once a month IV infusion that had seen great successes but, unfortunately had also seen unfortunate outcomes. Several people on the drug had died from a rare brain infection called PML or progressive multifocal leukoencephalopathy! Phew! Aren't you glad they just call it PML for short?! Anyhoo, the idea of a once a month IV (or as I like to call it "a mommy time out") sounded fabulous! No more shots! No real side effects to speak of, well other than the possibility of that "PM-whatever it was" so, I jumped on that train faster than a sneeze through a screen door!

So, I have been living happily ever after on Tysabri ever since!

...

If only that was the end of the story.

A few weeks ago, my doctor ordered a few routine blood tests and another MRI. The MRI, thankfully, came back very good - no new lesions! Yay me! However, they also tested me for the antibody that causes the JC Virus, which is a major player in this whole PML Russian Roulette game! And, I tested positive.

So, back to that decision that I have to make. My doctor wants me to consider going off of Tysabri and try a new oral pill (taken twice daily) but, I'm not so keen about the side effects or the stuff that is in the pill. It is made from a chemical that has been used in furniture cleaner! What?

I, on the other hand, am not so ready to jump off the Tysabri Wagon just yet. I actually look forward to my monthly infusions as it is seriously one of the rare times in my busy life that I get to recline in a chair, cover up with a cozy blanket and either close my eyes or do a crossword, read or just chill for 2 hours! It's about the closest thing to a spa day that I get on a regular basis!

Besides that, here is what I do know:

I know that testing positive for the JC Virus puts me at a much higher risk for developing PML (1 in 500 I am told) but, I also know that there are other MS patients who continue to take this drug even after receiving a positive result.  I also know that I feel 100% better since I've been taking Tysabri than I ever have while living with MS. I know that life is unpredictable in and of itself and I am willing to take my chances. I know that the God that I believe in already knows how my life on earth will end, and if PML is part of His plan, then so be it. I know for sure that I would rather live a more quality life right now than to have a life where I wasn't able to enjoy the things I enjoy doing. It's about living in the NOW. Yes, I am worried about the possibility of developing PML but, what scares me more is picturing my life without the strength in my legs to run a 5k or the vision to see things clearly and be able to do the work I love. Tysabri has given me a new lease on life and it would be awfully ironic if the very thing that saved me, ends up killing me. But, then again, God works in mysterious ways and who am I to second guess Him?

*on a side note, I love the book Jesus Calling so much that I have it programmed into my phone under the acronym JC so, every time  I typed in those two letter that is what popped up! Kinda funny! I just hope it doesn't mean "Jesus is Calling me home!" Not just yet anyway!

Vitamin D, Tysabri and Running...Rx's for my MS



I just read a very inspiring article on runnersworld.com about a 35 year old man who started running and changed his life. This article resonated with me for several reasons but, mostly because he has MS and started running as a way to lose weight and stay fit for his kids. It got me thinking that more neurologists should recommend Running as a remedy for MS.

I am a big proponent of Vitamin D. I know it can do wonders for people, especially those with MS. I am also a big fan of treatment. Tysabri is my treatment of choice at the moment and I could not be happier with it. I also try and get my daily dose of crossword puzzles because I know it keeps my mind sharp. But, out of everything I've tried, nothing has helped me more than a little ol' drug they call Running.

I started running almost 3 years ago and I cannot emphasize enough what a difference it has made. Not only with my MS but, with my overall health, happiness and well-being. I always joke that if I didn't run, I would surely be in the Nuthouse by now! My daughter said to me recently, "Mom, if you didn't do so many races, we'd have enough money to go on an expensive vacation." I replied, "Ummm, honey, if I didn't run so much, I would be spending ALL of our money on therapy and would be in no condition to even go on vacation." I think she caught my drift!

Now, I realize running is not for everyone. I do know that I am extremely blessed to be able to run. I know there are lots of folks with MS (or not) who cannot run, let alone walk and my heart goes out to them. I have always adhered to the mantra, "Use it or Lose it" because I know there may come a day when I can no longer lace up my shoes and just go for a run. But, for now, since I've learned to run and while I'm able to run, I will. I don't want to look back someday and say, "Man, I wish I'd run while I had the chance."

I know doctor's need to promote their own profession by pushing pharmaceuticals and all, but really the answer is pretty simple: Get moving. Doesn't matter how fast you are. Heck, doesn't even matter if you are walking, rolling or scooting, just as long as you are moving. For me, it is running. For someone else, it may be walking to the mailbox everyday. But, find that thing that makes YOU feel alive and DO IT!

Streaking with my clothes on!

I have mentioned before that I am an "All or Nothing" kind of gal. Yep! That would be me...I either resist the plate of nachos or I eat the whole thing in its entirety in a matter of minutes! I go on the wagon for weeks at a time, but once I fall off, it is ALL OVER and no can of Coors Light or bottle of chardonnay within a few inches is safe!!

To stay motivated between half marathons, I decided to challenge myself for the month of July to run EVERYDAY! They call that "streaking" in running lingo! You can become a streaker by either running everyday for a certain period of time or you could run the same race year after year and be considered a "streaker". Either way, it sounded like fun to me and it satisfied my "all or nothing" way of life. One lady I read about ran everyday for 365 days and drank a different kind of beer everyday after her run (I think she drank 2 beers the very last day)!! I thought that was pretty cool...but, since I'm a devout Coors or Budweiser girl, I would run out of beer choices mid-way through the week! :)

So, I am on Day 17 of this personal challenge and so far, so good! I have managed to run everyday...somedays, it is all I can do to get moving and run a mile (aka "The morning after gals wine night!"). Other days, I feel as if I could run forever! My shortest run has been 1 mile and my longest run has been 4.2, averaging 2.51 a day. This sort of challenge works well for me because I know that if I stop, I will be done. So, it has become somewhat of a game with me to keep the streak going. The tricky part is geting out there early, before it gets too hot. I have been pretty good about that and so far, have only had to run in the heat of the day once! (I also set a goal for 2012 to run atleast 12 miles a week, so this keeps me on track with that goal as well.)

Turns out, I come by this "All or Nothing" attitude rather honestly. I come from a long line of "AorNAYer's". This patten is most evident in my older brother, Kevin who I believe holds the World's Record for longest consecutive jump roping!! He started jump roping on March 22, 1997 and never stopped. That is 15 plus years of jump roping, people! Every. Single. Day. When he first started, he lost 60 lbs! Now, it has become a way of life and probably somewhat of an addiction. He has jump roped under the Eifel Tower, at the Vatican; all sorts of exciting and unusual places! He even forgot his jump rope one time on vacation so, he made a makeshift one out of the phone cord!! Gotta love that kind of creative thinking!

It really is almost easier to do something everyday than it is to say you will do it 4 times a week. If you know you are going to run everyday, then there is no negotiating with yourself. You don't start making deals with yourself like, "I can take tomorrow off if I run today" or "I can push the snooze button and run extra tomorrow!" You just get up and do it. And, pretty soon, it becomes habit.

"Just Do it. And Do It Again Everyday."

Embrace your weaknesses!!

"My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

I absolutely love this scripture. It is so comforting to me in times of trial or tribulation. Often we wonder why God allows suffering in our world and I think this verse sums it up. If it were not for tough times, we would never know how strong we are. And, let's admit it, we often don't turn to God until we are in trouble. Rick Warren, author of "The Purpose Driven Life" writes an entire chapter on God's Power in your Weakness. He says: "Your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts." Other people can find healing in our wounds, just as we found salvation and redemption in Christ's suffering on the cross.

Warren goes on to say "God has never been impressed with strength or self sufficiency, in fact He is drawn to people who are weak and admit it." In the bible, this is especially evident in Paul. He said, "I am quite happy about the 'thorn' ...for when I am weak, then I am strong - the less I have, the more I depend on Him." According to Warren, "our weaknesses prevent arrogance and keep us humble." I have found this to be so true in my own life. It is often during times when things are at their worst (whether it be financially, health-wise or just facing a small crisis) that I am most content. I find that it is during these times that I focus more on what I do have and on the things that I can control. I turn to God for guidance and end up feeling truly blessed and full.

I love the idea of God using us, with all of our weakness and imperfections, to keep us humble and to bring us closer to Him. Being honest and vulnerable is also what leads to true connections with others. No one likes that person who always has a fake smile plastered on their face, acting as if nothing is ever wrong in their life. It is when we admit our weaknesses and let down our guard that God can truly begin to work in our lives and we can begin to connect with others around us in a meaningful way. I have seen this at play so many times in my own life. Friendships in which I allow myself to "go deep" and get real about life situations and feelings, take on a whole new dimension and become so much more emotionally satisfying than just an ordinary acquaintance. I can tell my true friends by how many times we have cried together!

Being weak is not a curse, it's a blessing. It is anything that causes us to stop and examine our own lives and lean on God a little more. It is anything that allows us to become more "real" and humble in our relations to other people. So, the next time you face a particularly challenging situation, remember, it is these times that God uses us the most! I can't help but find comfort in that!

(As I type this blog, my fingers are tingling and I have a strange numbing sensation in my thumbs! Just another strange and annoying reminder that I have MS! Only now, I can rejoice in these small inconveniences knowing that God is using me for a greater purpose  - and I have an excuse for any misspelled words! Ha!)

MS Doesn't mean "No Mas"!!

Recently, I have been doing my best to just forget that I have MS. Training for and running my second half marathon (last weekend) makes me feel rather "studly" and makes me feel strong and invincible! I usually don't even think about having MS until my monthly IV. And, then, I'm like "Wait a minute, Why am I sitting in this chair with a needle in my arm? Oh yeah, I have MS!" I sit there for a couple hours and then I walk out the door and go on with my life.

MS is a funny thing. I have heard it referred to as the "But you look so good" disease! Which is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because to the outside world, I look normal. I can walk, run, jump and do pretty much anything any of my friends can do...Okay, let's be honest, I often do MORE than any of my friends in a given day. On the other hand, though, it can be a curse because no one really knows just how much it sucks! As much as people try to empathize, unless they've been in my shoes, they just don't know. They don't know the fear that I know. The fear of uncertainty...wondering if I'll end up in a wheelchair someday, wondering if my children will get this disease, or wondering how long I will feel this good. Come to think of it, those are things we all worry about, MS or not, right?

 I consider myself very lucky because at the moment, I don't really have any glaring symptoms (thanks to my medication!) and I feel pretty normal. But, there are times that I'll be laying in bed and cannot feel my lower legs and feet. When I wake up in the morning, it is a bit hard to get my bearings. I stagger to the bathroom...a little unsteady on my feet. There are times when I forget things...mostly short-term stuff, like "why did I walk in this room?" or "what in the hell was I looking for just now?" Then, there are those times when I will be searching frantically for my expensive sunglasses, only to have someone (usually a small child) say, "Aren't those them on your head?" I truly don't know if I can blame MS for all of these mishaps or if some of it is just the natural progression of age. I imagine that it's a little of both.

I guess what I'm trying to get across is that even though I have MS, it does not dictate how I live my life. Life is uncertain for all of us. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I don't use it as an excuse to not try new things or push myself beyond my limitations...rather, I use it as motivation to go further. I run because I know that someday, my legs may not be as strong and capable as they are today. I do crosswords everyday because I know that someday, my mind may not be as clear as it is today. I try to greet each day with excitement because I know what it's like to want to crawl back under the covers and hide from the world...when it hurts just to get out of bed. I am thankful that God has given me another day, a day that I feel good. MS has been such a gift - a reminder that life is fragile and that everything can change in the blink of an eye. A reminder that none of us is guaranteed tomorrow and we have no right to take a single moment for granted. A reminder to seize the day!

So, just for today, I am going to forget that I have MS. One day at a time, baby. One day at a time.

Taking a break from my busy day to get a stinkin'  IV! And yes, I am rockin' a pair of cowboy boots with my sundress!!



Twice fallen...twice shy!

Okay, Okay! It was bound to happen sooner or later! I'd been running almost 2 years and had yet to fall. Well, up until a few weeks ago, that is. And, then last week, it happened again!

A normal person might say..."To heck with running." or "I better slow down before I kill myself." Some people, once they experience something negative, try at all costs to avoid the very situation that caused them pain. Well, not this girl! I have one thing to say, "I just need to keep a better watch on those damn rocks because I am NOT going to giving up running until they bury me in the dirt!"

Both times that I have fallen...it have been on a 5 -6 miler with my two running buddies. (We are training for a half marathon and training requires us to do LONG runs on the weekend.) And, both times, it was at Mile One of the run!

The first time, I tripped and fell to the ground but, was able to pick myself up, brush myself off and continue as if nothing had happened. My partners stopped to make sure I was okay, but it was apparent that they didn't think it warranted stopping. So, neither did I!

The next time, we were just starting out on a 6 mile loop around the gorgeous Deschutes River. It was 540am. I was chatting up a storm, filling them in on my Memorial Day Escapades...when, BOOOM! I tripped and fell and ended up flat on the ground, staring directly at a very large rock, just centimeters from my face!! I fell much harder this time. Luckily, I had braced myself with my left hand and was able to break my fall somewhat and also avoid hitting my face on that sharp rock! I also had gloves on, since it was a particularly cold morning, which I am certain saved me from even more damage.

Again, my friends stopped in their tracks, checked me out and were happy when I brushed myself off and set off on our run.

It hurt like hell. It was all I could do to keep from crying and continue on. Lord knows, I have a hard enough time running 6 miles on a good day, let alone with a bruised hand and bloody shin/knee!

I finished the run. Drove home. And, once I was in the saftey cocoon of my own home, I bawled like a baby!! My husband just sort of stood there in awkward silence in the kitchen, not quite sure what to say. He grabbed the hydrogen peroxide and scrubbed the you-know-what out of my "owie" while I closed my eyes and cringed. He also brought me three ibuprofens and a glass of water to wash it down! Good man! (Had it been 6PM instead of 6AM, I am sure he would have replaced that glass of water with a glass of wine...or two!)

Life is hard sometimes. Things don't always go the way we expect. Some days, we just need to suck it up and be tough and carry on. And, then sometimes, we just need to let go, surrender to the pain, and have a good old fashioned cry! Some days, we do a little of both.

My hand swelled up the size of an orange, turned some amazing colors and my shin and knee had a nice pattern of road rash all over them...but, thankfully, nothing was broken (except perhaps, my ego!) and I was happily able to complete a 12 mile training run this morning...with NO falls!

If there is one thing, I've learned, it is this: "Keep an eye on the ground, because at any moment, it can rise up and frickin' hit you in the face!" But, I've also learned that you can't let life's little bumps keep you down. For too long anyway!

Sometimes we all need a little pruning...

When I go to church, sometimes, I am more attentive than others. Sometimes, I really concentrate on the message and other times, it's all I can do to try and stay focused long enough to get through mass. Tonight's sermon at church was awesome; it was all about the Gospel of John (Chapter 15, Verse 1-11) where Jesus talks about The Vine and the Branches. This part hit me in particular:

"I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

It got me thinking, "How many times in my life has God "pruned" me, whether it be through a sickness or some other life challenge to become even more fruitful?" I can think of a few times for sure.

Being diagnosed with MS was definitely one of those times. I always say that having MS has been more of a blessing in my life, than anything else. My diagnosis happened during a time of my life when I was not being particularly faithful to God - or much else in my life. I had grown complacent. I didn't have a purpose.

God  has a way of getting our attention and in my case, the message was LOUD and CLEAR! I have never felt like he gave me MS to punish me...but, rather as a wake-up call. He was saying, "I have given you so much and you're not even using it. Maybe I need to take something away for you to blossom."

Well, in the end, MS really has given me more that it has taken away from me. I don't know if I would have had a second child if it had not been for this disease. And, I can almost guarantee that I would not be running today if it had not been for MS. Losing the use of your legs, arms, whatever it is, even temporarily, has a way of spurring you into action!! My motto now is "Use it or Lose it!" I don't want to ever look back on my life and say, "I wish I had run when I had the chance." Everyday that I wake up and am able to get out of bed and run is a gift and I'll be damned if I'm going to turn that gift away. I know some people think I've gone a little overboard on this whole running craze but, honestly,  I just look at it as a second chance, a chance to give back and a chance to stay strong.

More than anything, MS has given my life purpose. I feel like having MS has given me a new perspective on life and has enabled me to offer support to others. Just like the words in the song that we sang tonight at church, "Where there is despair, let me bring hope." If I can bring hope to even one person, then my life here on earth has not been wasted. Amen.

I'm in an "ommm" state of mind...

I have heard for years that yoga is good for folks with MS. I have tried in the past to like yoga, but to no avail. Something about those crazy poses, balancing on blocks, twisting into a pretzel and just plain having balance issues of my own and being too self-conscious in front of all those amazing yogis...has always turned me off.

That is, until I discovered a Sunday morning class offered at my health club, called "Beginner's Yoga." I've been going faithfully for the past month and a half and I absolutely LOVE it. I pray that the time doesn't come where they kick me out and say, "Okay, you have been taking this beginner's class for 3 years now, it is time to move on to intermediate yoga!" Because I think I could take this class for the rest of my life. I am all about the basics.

The instructor starts with the very basic poses. Child's pose. Downward dog. Tree pose. She has the most soothing voice and uses words & phrases like "relax", "surrender", "breathe", "focus on the here and now"...all of which are great lessons for everyday life! At the beginning of class, she has us set an intention for our class - something we'd like to get out of it, something we'd like to let go of, something we'd like to do better. I love this idea and have begun setting a "weekly" intention for myself. She really pushes us to be our authentic selves, not comparing ourselves to anyone else in the class. She sets such a great tone for the whole class that I think everyone feels instantly at ease.

I also added yoga to my weekly workouts because I've read many times over, that it is the perfect compliment to running. It strengthens your core, stretches tired muscles and helps with balance. I now look forward to my Sunday morning ritual like I would a spa treatment. I feel like it is the one time each week that I devote to pampering my body inside and out. I savor that hour like I would savor a piece of cheesecake, a good book or a glass of wine. I love the way I feel before, during and after the class. It gives me a sense of empowerment and just leaves me with an overall sense of peace to begin my week. Not a bad Rx for anyone...MS or not!

So, don't wait to be diagnosed with a disease or get injured, to try yoga. It really is as good as people say it is. It does a body and soul good.  Just make sure you find a class that suits your needs and lifestyle.

-Namaste (which, for other fellow beginners, is pronounced Num-ah-stay and means "the divine in me honors the divine in you...")

There are a million reasons why I am a mess...but, menopause is NOT one of them!

I went to the doctor last week. I've been feeling, lately, like I'm starting to enter the "M-phase" of my life! Night sweats, mood swings, sudden flare-ups in my acne (it's got me wondering, "when in the world will I be able to stop stealing my 17 year old son's zit medicine?") Urgh.

So, I asked my doctor if he could order a hormone test...I guess it's called the FSH Test (Follicle Stimulating Hormone). High levels indicate that you are entering menopause. Well, I took the blood test and the results came back stating that I am not in menopause. Yet.

So, now what? I was hoping he'd give me some magic pill, hormone replacement or secret cream to make it all go away...and now, I'm left to deal with all of this on my own.

It's frustrating to say the least. Atleast when you know who the predator is, you are more able to plan your attack. You know what you're up against. Now, I'm just left to figure out what the hell all this means and how best to deal with it on my own...without drugs.

Wish me luck!!

40 days til a new year...

It dawned on me today that 2012 is right around the corner!! 40 days to be exact. I need to get busy on my New Year's resolutions!! Last year, my goal for the year was to run a race each month...and I've accomplished it so far!! I've still got the "I Like Pie" 5k on Thankgsiving and the "Jingle Bell Run" in early December, but God willing, it will happen!!

I want to do something bigger and better for 2012. Here's what I'm thinking:

• 12 Races in 2012
• 12 miles a week
• Run a race on 12/12/12 

How does that sound? I like the idea of having some goals in mind and it's fun to play with the "12" theme! I figure if I put it down on paper for all to see, it makes me more accountable!! And, Lord knows, I need accountability in my life!!

As 2011 comes to a close, I reflect on my life this past year. A year ago today, I had never run a 5k...now, I've got 10 under my belt, plus 3 10ks and a half marathon!! Wow! What a difference a year makes. I have to say that I am a happier, more grounded, content person than I was before I started running. Running gives me the energy I need to get through the day. It gives me the confidence I need to deal with life's little challenges (I always think, "I can do this, I ran for over 2 hours straight"). It truly has given me a new lease on life and has made my MS symptoms all but disappear...well, that and a little help from Tysabri!!

I hope each and every one of you finds that thing that makes you tick, that thing that makes you leap out of bed with excitement each morning, that thing that makes you feel like I am ENOUGH and I am worth investing in. Go out there and find it - Time's a wastin'!!

Lucky Number 13

I've always thought of 13 as my lucky number...afterall, I got engaged on Friday, the 13th...and almost 21 years later, it's working out pretty well for me!! Today, number 13, worked for me again! I ran my 13th race...since I started running last September. It was a 5k for the Central Oregon Disability Support Network which is an organization that is near and dear to my heart! I work with a lot of children who have disabilities from downs syndrome to autism. I got to see a lot of those kids out there today, working at the race and running the kids 1 miler. It was awesome to see the smiles on their faces and the satisfaction in their eyes as they crossed the finish line and were awarded a medal! Most of them yelling, "I won!" as the medal was place on their little necks! I ran the 5k today knowing that I was doing it for them...and maybe that made it a little easier for me. I set a PR today...running it in just under 30 minutes!! I was stoked when I made the final turn towards the finish line and the clock said: "29:40". I kicked it up a notch and ran across the finish line at 29:55. It felt good. But, not as good as seeing those kids out there today with their families, having the time of their lives. Running has allowed me to give of myself in ways I never have before. I love being a part of something bigger than myself and having a bigger reason to run rather than just accomplishing personal goals. I felt like such a part of the community today...and it filled me with such joy and gratitude.

The 12th Race...

A year ago today, I couldn't have run from a burning building to save my life. Today, I ran my 12th race! It feels so good to look back and see how far I've come in the past year...MS or not, running has been a huge accomplishment for this 46 year old gal!

I'm one of those people who has to have a  goal to work towards or I will lose all my motivation to keep at it. At the beginning of this year, I told myself I'd run a race a month...and I did it!! Some months, I even ran two! So far, I've conquered 8 5ks, 3 10ks and a Half Marathon! I made a point to run the entire race - no matter what...and if I walked at all, I told myself, I couldn't hang my number on my "wall of fame". So far, all 12 bibs have made it to the wall!

I love everything about the race...I love signing up for it and writing it down on my calendar, I love picking up my bib number and t-shirt the day before the race and seeing people I know at the running store, I love the pre-race excitement that I feel, I love lining up at the start line and taking off, I love crossing the finish line...and I absolutely LOVE the feeling of accomplishment once it's over! I love waking up the next day, checking the sports section to see where I finished...The whole experience is so worth the entry fees to me!

Racing, to me, is the best way to gauge where I was last month and where I am right now. It gives me the push I need to keep running and training...and there is just something about a race that makes it virtually impossible for me to stop and walk.

Today's race was especially poignant. It happened to fall on the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 so, no matter how tough it was, or how hot it got, I had to remind myself that there were thousands of people who went through a whole lot worse, ten years ago. When I found myself complaining of the heat, I had to remember those people who tried to flee the Twin Towers and were unable to or the heroes who went down in that Pennsylvania field. I had absolutely no right to complain...

I just felt gratitude to be running and to have been given the chance to live another day.

Racing keeps me on track.

"We are shaped and fashioned by what we love." -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Tysabri, Take Me Away!

Is it sad that I actually look forward to my monthly IV drug infusion for my MS? I sort of look at it like I would a day at the spa! I bring my little bag of goodies: magazines, book, reading glasses, crosswords...and just sit back in the recliner and RELAX...for 2 hours...without kids!! Man, if that's not livin' I don't know what is!! If I want, I ask for a blankie and take a little snooze...I can ask the nurse to turn on the TV...I can ask for one of those yummy candies they keep in a jar at the front desk...It really is HEAVEN! The only thing missing is a plush white robe and a big jar of cucumber water...but, hey, I can't get picky now!

I am now on month 5 of a new drug, called Tysabri. It is a once a month IV-infused drug...the actual drug itself takes about an hour and then, they have to sit and watch me for an hour afterwards. Not really sure what they are looking for...maybe for my eyes to roll back in my head or for my head to actually explode...but, I humor them and wait as long as they need me to wait. Hey, I am in no hurry to get home and fix dinner! (I score major sympathy points from my family when I walk in the front door at 6pm with a bandage wrapped around my arm - you can bet I am going to MILK this for as long as I can!!)

All kidding aside, there is a very rare brain infection that can occur with this drug...which has been fatal for some. This is VERY RARE though and the chances of it happening to me are next to nill. The way I look at it is like this: "Life is short, you could walk outside right now and get run over by a car...and be dead...so, with everything in life, there are risks. And, the way that this drug makes me feel is worth every second of worry over getting this rare brain infection." When I tell people I have MS, sometimes they look all worried and say "Is it fatal?" I tell them, "Life is fatal...none of us are getting out of here alive!" That usually stops them in their tracks or atleast gets them to buy me a beer!!

I love life...and I want my quality of life to be as good as it can for as long as it can!! Right now, Tysabri is working for me. Since starting on this drug, I have had no MS symptoms or side effects whatsoever so, for me, this is about as good as it gets!! I thank God that I am able to go in once a month for this wonder drug! It may not be a day at the spa, but it comes damn close!!