B.O.D., Baby!

Lately, it seems as if I have been on the defense an awful lot. It's as if every time someone says or does something, I automatically jump to the conclusion that they are out to get me. It's ridiculous, really and I don't like it. Not one little bit.

So, I did what I do every time something is troubling me - I prayed about it. After mulling it over with Him, I came up with this idea: every time my mind starts to go to that dark place, instead of thinking the worst, stop and give that person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they don't plan their day around making my life miserable, maybe they don't wake up in the morning and say "I really want to mess with her " and maybe, just maybe, they didn't even stop to consider how their actions would affect me at all. Maybe people are basically good and honorable and just. Maybe they don't have a secret agenda. Maybe some people don't deserve the benefit of the doubt. Give it to them anyway!

So, I have begun to train myself to give others the benefit of the doubt - or B.O.D.as I like to call it! When my mind wanders, I immediately think or say to myself  "B.O.D., baby"! It somehow takes the sting out of it and I find myself chuckling to myself and suddenly whatever it was that was bothering me is now forgotten and I've moved on. It no longer has the power to upset me because I have taken away it's control. It's actually pretty cool!

I remember reading somewhere that you should treat everyone you meet with kindness because everyone is fighting some sort of battle you know nothing about. So, the next time someone pisses you off in traffic, imagine that they are headed to the doctor's office to get a second opinion on their cancer or the next time someone is rude to you, imagine that they are pre occupied because they just received some horrible news. Life is short. Don't go through it mad or angry or resentful. Just give others the benefit of the doubt. It will add immense joy to your life and maybe even a few years!

"Train your mind to see the good in every situation"

no good deed

If ever there was a saying that rings true, it is this one:

"No good deed goes unpunished!"

It happens to be one of my husband's favorite sayings - and even though I had no idea what it meant the first time I heard it, it is now one of my favorites as well. Because it just fits so many situations!!

Here are a few scenarios that describe it a little better:

•My good friend teaches Sunday school at her church/One evening after teaching. she slips on ice in the parking lot and breaks her wrist.
•My husband picks up flooring boxes that blew out of a neighbors garbage can on a particularly windy morning and puts it in our garbage can/Another neighbor later berates him for not doing a better job of securing "our flooring boxes" in our garbage can.
•I offer to drive my daughter and her friend to the mountain/I roll my car on the way home.
•You run in a charity race/You get run over by a bus.
Okay, so that last one didn't really happen...but, you catch my drift, right?

Well, recently I experienced my own kind of "good deed punishment"!! I recently bought tickets for my daughter and I to see one of her favorite "you -tubers" perform live. I decided to splurge and buy the V.I.P tickets so, we could have better seats AND meet her after the show!! Later, I invited my niece to the show but, there were no V.I.P. seats left so, I just bought her a G.A. ticket, figuring she wouldn't mind since she really didn't know the performer anyway.

When the day of the show arrived, my daughter and my niece were so excited and it became clear to me that they needed to have the V.I.P. tickets! I mean, I didn't really need to meet and greet this 20-something "you-tuber" but, the two of them would have a blast posting pics to Instagram and telling their friends! So, I happily gave them the tickets. Unbeknownst to me, V.I.P.ers got in 15 minutes early to the show. So, I waited in line with them and once they were let in at the door, the ticket collector informed me that I needed to get back in line and wait with the other G.A. folks outside. Okay, no problem. How bad could it be? Well, just as I walked outside, the skies opened up and it began to pour. Down. Rain. I was suddenly wishing I'd packed an umbrella or at the very least, a garbage bag to put over my head!! I was suddenly reconsidering my decision to wear sandals and capris (to show off my new pedi and tan from spring break!!) Ugh. As if this wasn't bad enough, I saw that the line wrapped around. A. Huge. City. Block! So, there I was standing on a street corner feeling just a wee bit sorry for myself!

The only thing I could think of as I stood there with raindrops bouncing off my OPI bubblegum toes, was "no good deed goes unpunished!" I took a selfie of myself standing in the rain with a sad face and that very caption and sent it off to my husband! He knew exactly what I meant!

mary

I go to the public swimming pool once a week. as part of my job (working with special ed kids). A few weeks ago, I met a gal named Mary in the locker room! I liked her immediately. She was spry. She was witty. She was sharp as a tack. And she is probably around 85 years old, give or take a few years! We chatted and laughed like old friends. I saw Mary again this week and I still can't get the image of her out of my head.  She stood there, next to me, completely naked, just chatting up a storm, meticulously drying herself off. She laughed as she did, saying, "my skin is too big for my body now!" A huge smile in her voice and on her face. You see, I was trying hard to look at her face, not at the naked body beside me! But, part of me just wanted so badly to look at her body, to get a glimpse of what I might look like in 40 some years! I've never really seen a naked 80 year old, so I was curious! I finally lowered my eyes to take it all in and all I could think was "Man, I hope I look like that when I'm her age!" I think what I was actually thinking was "God, I hope I live to be her age and have the kind of confidence she has!" I mean, I still drape a towel modestly around myself when I dry off in an all-women's locker room and here she was, just letting it all hang out! And I do mean "letting it all hang out"!!

Standing there, talking with Mary and trying not to gawk, I realized something. I realized that we women spend our whole lives, not to mention our hard earned money to look good, to appear younger and to stay in shape...but, someday, we will be Mary's age and what will it really matter? Will it really matter that we gave up carbs for months on end only to end up gaining all the weight back anyway?Or deprived ourselves of delicious treats just to fit into a bikini for that vacation? Will it matter that we did or didn't get that boob job? Or Botox? Probably not. The point is that we are so hard on ourselves, constantly striving for that perfect ideal, that fountain of youth that we fail to realize that real beauty lies in a life well lived. A body that has withstood all of life's battles and storms and is still standing. A face that reveals a joyous, happy life, complete with the smile lines to prove that you laughed a lot! I honestly had never seen anything quite as beautiful as what I saw in Mary that day.

"Real beauty isn't about symmetry or weight or make up, it's about looking life right in the face and seeing all of its magnificence reflected in your own. " -Valerie Malone

Today's waves

I was reading my daily devotional, Jesus Calling the other day and this passage totally struck me. It was talking about not looking too far into the future and letting God do His job. Now, I've heard this put many ways before bit, somehow this time it really made sense and stuck with me.

Here is the passage:

"there are treacherous looking waves in the distance...by the time those waves reach you, they will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always beside you, helping you face today's waves."

I love the whole visual of this! Staring out at the ocean, looking at the giant waves and imagining them crashing up against the shore and swallowing you up! When we obsess about the future, that is exactly what we start to feel like. Stop. Slow down. Breathe. And let God do His thing. I read this a long time ago and it has always stayed with me: "worrying is taking on a responsibility that belongs to God." I don't know about you, but I don't want to step on the Big Guy's toes!

I started thinking about this idea and how it relates to every single aspect of my life. First of all, my MS. If I were to sit and worry about my future with this disease, I would surely succumb to debilitating fear and not want to get out of bed each day. Instead, I choose to take it a day at a time and trust God enough to handle it when the time comes.

Secondly, my running. I am signed up for a half marathon in July and frankly, the idea of running 13.1 miles again scares me to death! But if I focus on "today's waves" and put in my time training, I will be able to reach that goal when the time comes!

So, I guess the moral of my story is to stop worrying, concentrate on what you can do today and leave the rest up to God. He's got this!!

My Mean Clean

So, I'm doing The Game On Diet for the 4th time. (See June 25 blog for more on that). One of my favorite things about this plan is the good/bad habit. At the beginning of the diet you must pick a bad  habit to give up and a good habit to start...and do it everyday! If you fail to do them, you lose 10 points a day and if you change your habit part way through, you have to take a 50 pt. penalty so, it's pretty important to chose well.

This time around I am giving up complaining and negative talk. Just like the saying "you are what you eat", I believe "you are what you speak." I read in The Happiness Project, that if you share something negative about someone else, you will actually be associated with that thing yourself. Scary, isn't it?

I don't think of myself as a chronic complainer, in fact I pride myself on being fairly optimistic...but, when I told my 12 year old daughter that I was considering giving up complaining for 28 days, you would have thought I'd just bought her a $500 gift card to Sephora! (Apparently, I'm not quite as balanced as I'd like to think I am!)

My goal is to rid myself of any negative talk or thoughts. I don't want to waste another minute thinking about things that do not bring me joy or worrying about what others think of me. I don't want to utter a single word about another person unless it is pleasing. I want to think and say positive stuff only! After only 4 days of doing this (and taking point deductions 2 of those 4 days), I have realized just how hard this is and how much I do complain - it has been very eye opening!!

I have finally told my husband not to tell me about the (ahem, stupid) things he does because it can only lead to my complaining or worse, berating. I just don't need to know. At least not for the next 24 days! 

All kidding aside, I think abstaining from negativity is just as important as abstaining from sugar or alcohol...it poisons your soul and hardens your outlook on things. Life is so beautiful if we would just look at it through different lenses once in awhile.

Pretty powerful, huh?

Looking back on 2013

The year isn't quite over yet but, as I sit by the fire with a glass of wine on this New Years Eve, I am feeling nostalgic. My brand new journal sits on my bedside table, crisp and ready for all my new adventures and feats in 2014! 2013 was a good year, nothing life changing or altering but, a journey worth taking nonetheless. Some friendships were strengthened, others were tested. Some goals were reached, while others had to take a back seat. Family bonds were tightened through weddings, momentous birthdays, shared holidays and of course, facebook! All in all, a fantastic year.

Here is a recap of the highs and lows ...

Single best moment of 2013: There are so many little moments of joy that happened this year. Life really is all about the little things - and someday we will look back and realize that those little things were really the big things. I guess if I had to narrow it down and name 3 great moments of 2013, I'd say: Celebrating my Mama's 80th birthday with all of my family in the same room, Going to my 1st Mom's Weekend at my son's college and Watching my kids serve dinner to homeless folks on the streets, on Christmas Eve.

Single worst: Probably the day I sat in the dermatologist office and heard "we need to schedule surgery for this." Thank God it was benign.

Favorite race: Far and away, the iconic Bay to Breakers in San Francisco ON my birthday!! 3 girlfriends, 2 states, 1 open road -- priceless!!

 

People who stood by my side this year: My hubby of 23 years is my absolute rock. He is my best friend, my biggest  fan and continues to be the best man I've ever known (next to my dad, of course). Lord knows, I haven't always given him reason to love me but, he has stood by me through it all and I am so glad he did!

My running partner who has shown up morning after morning at "dark thirty" - at the track or on the street halfway between our houses. She pushes me to be the best I can be, she talks me into running when I'd rather sleep in and she never ceases to amaze me with her quiet wisdom or good advice. I am so thankful for the time spent running alongside her - it is truly food for my soul.

Best thing we did as a family this year: Building a fire pit in the backyard. It is true when they say "build it and they will come." And by "they" I mean precious family memories. We spent so many wonderful nights sitting around that fire pit, roasting marshmallows and talking about our day. This next summer , I want to have a sign made that says: "Welcome to our fire pit, where friends become family and family become friends". Just like those ooey, gooey s'mores, this is the good stuff in life!! 

 

Scariest thing that happened this year: I'd have to say our family boat outing for AJs birthday at Lake Billy Chinook on August 26th. We were in the middle of the lake, swimming and having fun in the sun, when a freak thunder and lightning storm came out of nowhere! The ride back to shore (and safety) seemed to last for hours! But, my amazing hubby got us all there safely and we had some great video footage to post on Facebook!

Greatest lesson learned: That life is all in how you look at it. The glass is either half full or half empty ALL the time -  it just depends on how you look at it. If things look bleak,  just change your perspective. Things could ALWAYS be worse, someone is always worse off than you. Count your blessings not your problems. Focus on the good in the world. A grateful heart doesn't have time to feel sorry for itself.

Best book read: Hmmm...I guess I'd appear pretty shallow if I said the "50 Shades of Grey" trilogy, right?! I read some good books this year but, probably my favorite was Wild by Cheryl Strayed. The second best would be Past Forgetting, a book my dad gave me, which was a memoir written by Eisenhower's mistress. My goal for this next year is to read more. There is nothing better to me than curling up in bed with a hot cup of tea, cozy socks and a good book on a cold winter night!

Well, that sums up my year! It was fun to take a look back. Hope you enjoyed it. Wishing you all a safe and happy New Year's Eve spent with those you love...and a very, very blessed 2014.

We don't twitter we don't tweet we just live on Flanders street

I feel kind of bad because I am stealing a fave saying of my dear 81 year old dad for the title of this blog but, I love it! My dad is known for funny sayings (most of them old adages like "no use crying over spilled milk" and "don't burn daylight"). But, this one is a real Burke original and deserves a place all it's own!

Last summer when my sister and I were going to the wedding of an old family friend, my dad told us "if anyone asks about your mother and I, just tell them: We don't twitter we don't tweet we just live on Flanders street!l" We thought that was pretty funny and clever (and didn't have the heart to tell dad that twitter and tweet are basically the same thing!)

The thing about my dad is that he is a very wise man and many times throughout my life, he has given me words to live by.  When I was a kid and somebody hurt my feelings, he'd make me feel better by saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but, names will never hurt me." When we would go on a road trip, he'd say to all of us kids in the back seat before we left home, "speak now or forever hold your pee!" To this day I still say that to my kids!

One of my favorite "Burk-isms" is when he says "Nobody goes there anymore cuz it's too crowded" when referring to a popular restaurant. Again, we don't have the heart to tell him that somebody must be going there! We just smile and nod in agreement! 

I love that my dad's words of wisdom have become part of who we are as a family and I love it when my kids repeat something he has said or say "grandpa comes up with some pretty funny stuff." Makes me think of simpler times when families passed things on from generation to generation. A time when families sat around the dinner table and actually talked to each other. Or danced around the coffee table to old Nat King Cole Christmas tunes playing on the record player. When they went on long Sunday drives or drove to Disneyland without a single handheld device or a portable DVD. They didn't twitter or tweet...and man, life was sweet!