Saturday, February 28, 2015

Who you calling passive aggressive?

I love the fact that as I approach the ripe ol' age of 50, I can learn new things and more importantly, I can actually put them into action!

My latest project is overcoming Passive Aggressive behavior.  Now, let's be honest, everybody has a little of this behavior unless maybe you are Mother Theresa or Pioneer Woman but...chances are if you are reading my blog, you have a little "PA" in you!

Lately, I've done a little research on the subject and I'm happy to report that I come by this trait honestly! What I've learned is that if you grew up in a traditional family where one parent was dominant and conflict was usually avoided, well then, you may have inherited a little more than the family rear end! (And for the record, yes I got that too!) Lucky Me!

Passive Aggressiveness is described as "sugar coated hostility" and boy, does that hit the nail on the head! Anytime you say something other than what you'd like to actually say, that is "PA". Anytime you respond with a sarcastic remark, you are being "PA". Anytime you post a status or photo with a slight intention to piss someone off...yep, you got it: "PA"! Give your hubby the silent treatment much? Yup! (They say the worst "F" word to come out of a woman's mouth is "Fine!") This little gem takes on all kinds of forms but any way you slice it, it's sour puss pie!

The real problem with sour puss pie is that the more you eat it, the more it harms you. The person you are mad at continues along their road in life without a care in the world, while you are seething with anger, frustration and resentment.  Nothing will ever get better if you continue to eat from this "not so humble" pie, because the very thing that is causing you pain is the thing that you can't let go of. It's like continuing to down a fifth of whiskey and wondering why you have such a killer headache! You can't conquer your demons if you aren't willing to acknowledge them.  Plain and simple. Face the demon. Free yourself from it's grasp. It really is that easy.

So, if it's that easy, why do we continue to do it? Because it's much easier to be angry than to face conflict. There are those who are so afraid of conflict that they will do just about anything to avoid it. Sounds crazy, huh?

The best thing you can do for yourself, for your health and your entire quality of life is to face your fears no matter what they are. One moment of discomfort is worth a thousand moments of bliss. Once you release whatever it is that is bothering you, you will suddenly feel a lightness, a joy that is indescribable. You gotta feel it to really appreciate it but, it is oh so sweet!

And the best way to avoid this thing in the future is to address problems as they arise. Nip it in the bud. Cut it short. Don't let it fester. No good comes from that.

In the end, you will suffer way less if you let it all out than if you hold it all in. And if you let it out little by little, even better! And remember:

"Comfort is the enemy of achievement"













Monday, February 16, 2015

50 things I want my kids to know

As I approach my 50th birthday, I have been doing a lot of thinking and making a lot of lists! I've made "bucket lists", "to do lists" and "already done lists". Just the other day, I thought of another list: "things I want my kids to know." I think it's important to share bits of wisdom with our children - a sort of living legacy if you will - before they go out into the world. I may not know it all in my "almost 50 years"  but, I do know this much:

1. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Yep, the Golden Rule never goes out of style.

2. Celebrate the little things.  Because in the end, that's what really matters.

3. Do what you love and the money will come. Don't ever take a job for the money alone because you will forever be a slave to it. Follow your heart and your job will never feel like work.

4. Work hard. "The way you do anything is the way you do everything" means that you set your own standard of work from the get go so, be sure to give it your all.

5. Eat caviar. Or "be fancy" once in awhile.

6. Go to confession once in awhile.  Nothing feels better than a clean slate.

7.  Climb a mountain. The air really is cleaner up there!

8. Listen to country music. 

9. Learn how to shoot a gun. 

10. Remember where you came from. See #8 & #9.

11. Learn from your mistakes. There's nothing wrong with making mistakes just try not to make the same ones over and over. And over.

12. Travel while you have the chance.

13. Stay in school. Duh.

14. Remember whatever you post on the internet, lives there forever!

15. Some good deeds go unpunished. Contrary to your father and mother's favorite saying, it really is worthwhile to do good.

16. Don't base your self worth on how many "likes" or "friends" you have.

17. Don't call in sick unless you are. #smalltownproblems

18. Remember that true character is who you are when nobody is watching. (aka, who you are when you're not on social media!)

19. People will like you more if they think you like them. This really does work! If there is someone you would like to like you more, simply show an interest in them. Careful what you wish for though, because you will have a friend for life.

20. Do crosswords (and not just the Monday ones!) Strive to constantly sharpen your mind - be it puzzles, podcasts or a paradigm shift!!

21. Don't forget to be awesome. Self explanatory, I hope.

22. Learn to run! Preferably before the age of 45!

23. Practice moderation. Preferably before your 50th bday!

24. Choose your mate wisely. Time only accentuates a person's true character. Think about that

25. Don't sleep your life away. Yes, it's true that the early bird gets the worm -- or atleast a better view of the sunrise!

26. If you get a chance to spend some time on a golf course, do it! The lessons you learn on a golf course will stay with you for life.

27. Take chances. Most of the things you will regret in this life, will be the things you DIDN'T do!

28. Always be kinder than you feel. You know the old adage "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about"...well, it's true!

29. Volunteer your time. 

30. Excercise most days of the week.

31. Read your bible.

32. Practice what you preach. No one likes a hypocrite or a poser. Be who you say you are and stand your ground.

33. Give something up. Nothing feels better than giving something up that will allow you more freedom or time or money. Try it!

34. Don't keep track of wrongs. It will steal your joy.

35. Don't hang out with buzzkills - or 'hoodlums! 'Nuff said.

36. Help those who cannot repay you. Remember: "The best excersise for your heart is reaching down to help someone up!"

37. Spend time with the very young and the very old.

38. Take care of yourself. You only get one body, treat it well.

39. Stay up and watch the sunrise.

40. Splurge once in awhile. On a bottle of wine, a new pair of shoes or a once in a lifetime trip!

41. Learn how to fish. See #10.

42. Grow something.

43. Always use spell check! And just remember you can always hit the edit button once you have misspelled something.

44. Don't believe everything you read.

45. Have a favorite book.

46. Read a classic. 

47. Listen to your gut.

48. Don't just pray when you need something. Just like you don't like it when a friend calls you only when he's in trouble, neither does God!

49. Everyone deserves to be validated. Even the jack asses!!!

50. You can always go home. Preferably just to visit. But, know that the door is always open and your bed will always be unmade.

Love, 
Mom